Chinese joke translation

导师出了一道考题：牙疼、萝卜烂地里、女友怀孕有什么共同点？考生A答：都是虫子惹的祸。 导师曰：尔可读研！ 考生B答：拔晚了。 导师曰：汝可读博。请记住报名序号，再次登录时必须填写报名序号！ As instructor expresses a question:tell me the common thing between toothache,carrots rotten on the ground, girlfriend got pregnant.The first student answers: all are done by little things.Instructor:You,qualified for master degree studies. The second student says:A bit late to get the stuff out. Instructor nods:You, qualified for doctor degree studies.

Chinese tend to hunt salts

看到有媒体和网民嘲笑抢盐百姓的愚昧无知。其实，老百姓面对可望不可即的东瀛核辐射，使用成本极低（百八十元）的购盐方式完成一次自我保护实际行动，抚慰自己昔日面对高房价、高通胀、高医药费、高贪腐、高强拆没有实施自我保护行动能力的心灵创伤，于国于民于扩大内需于维稳都无害。且颇具喜剧和娱乐色彩。无可指摘。 In China,there are media and netizens laughing at person that thirst for salt during the period of Japan earthquake. Well,people are just trying to protect themselves from Japanese radiation now that there's no other options,and such action costs merely 100 RMB yuan or so,which is quite bearable on comparison with the sky-high price of housing,medicial care,inflation,bribes and danger of removed from personal territory.Hunting salt is merely a self-relaxing activity,which could cure people from hurts caused by such high cost of the things listed above.This deed is harmless to both the country, to CHinese people themselves, to enlarge domestic market,to keep society harmonious.Besides,it's quite funny and entertaining,so no one should blame this action.

On Japan Earthquake

Personally I feel great pitiful and sorrow on hearing this natural diaster.

Hopefully the day Dec 21st,2k12 won't be near.

My Dream as an Instructor

My Dream as an Instructor

Now that I have been an instructor for two years or more,and things are not what I had expected days before. Stduents tend to be much more curious about their GPAs, yet rarely of the core of what they had acquired from me. Workmates are eagering roaming from taking bribes to lying someone down.
Yet my dream haven't fade.
I have a dream that should all universities and institudes stop making gossips, focus on the very centural part of studies. Being a fame monster is the job of Lady GaGa, not universities. In usual days a nation should feed her universities well, while latter ones are bound to make things for their motherland.
I have a dream that my fellow professors and TAs are not clowns of money and fame, but admirable for their scientific achievements, or they will be totally forgotten one day.
I have a dream that students could at least listen to every of their lessons carefully. Yeah, maybe we instructors, lecturers are talking about nothing but craps, but you, instead of us, are sitting in the very classroom, paid to listen all our words. We did not pay for that, your parents did. Think well before drop every classes,even if you are listening to something unwilling, you could have traces of oppotunities to win, no matter one of which is an enlightening viewpoint or the guy sitting behind you.
Dear students,make your time and pennies spent here worthy; Dear professors, do what you should do;Beloved universities, treat, not cheat.

As the jade returned intact to Zhao monachy

为何是秦国统一中国？完璧归赵显露端倪。秦王虽未得稀世珍玉，正说明他有廉耻之心，如果他想获得已经到手的玉，绝对易如反掌。喜欢的东西已经到了宫中，还能为了诚信大智若愚地放弃，说明秦王具备统一中国的德行。为了一块玉不惜给国家带来风险，蔺相如值得反思。完璧归赵的结果是完赵归秦。
Why Qin dynasty eventurally unified China? Traces could be found through faithfulness of Qin's Lord. Despite the fact that his majesty did not got the priceless jade till the end, he shows us that it would be shameful had if the jade was brought to him by force, though it was the easiest way. Even his favorable jade was only one step away from him, he left it intact for keeping honest as if he were silly, so his majesty could unify China as he is morally capable.As for Lin Xiangru, it is worthy thinking twice that he could make his motherland in danger merely for one piece of jade. As the jade returned intact to Zhao monachy, the destiny of Zhao monachy was clung to the Qin dynasty,intact.

Drangflies and Mosquitos

蜻蜓和蚊子原本是兄弟，体积一样。兄弟俩都靠吸人血生存。一日，蜻蜓目睹蚊子在吸血时被人打死。蜻蜓为自身安全，改为吃蚊子吸二手人血的方式谋生。而蚊子们一意孤行依然吃一手人血。结果截然不同：人类把蚊子定性为害虫，将蜻蜓尊崇为益虫。受保护的结果是蜻蜓的体积越来越健壮。
It was interesting that once dragonflies and mosquitos were brothers sharing the same size and shape, same food---human blood. One day, on seeing mosquitos stroke to death while dipping human blood, dragonflies, under the consideration of security, turned to eat mosquitos for their second hand human blood, yet mosquitos persisted to dip blood by their own. Since then, human being took mosquitos as pests, considers dragonflies beneficial, and eventually makes dragonflies greater in size.

Ways to be successful in the year 2k11

An benefitial helper.Crazy yet smart enough.

Capability of persuading or threatening other people, or psycho control.

Progressive expanding and Crazyness actually makes an enterprenure.

Frankly speaking I do not care about "The social network" that much until something just sparked me like a mentor.

And,never try to communicate with senior officials, after you got anything theft,no one would do anything good on you since he would just consider himself.No matter you, my friend, is in PRC or any other countries,these things are eternal.Everyone is selflish unless he loves you.
Written on Feb 1st,2k11